What does the peacemaking tendency of the feminine programming have to do with autoimmune disease?

How are you with addressing conflict in your life?

Do you tip toe around it, avoid it and pretend it doesn’t bother you? Have you ever found yourself playing the peacemaker or “not rocking the boat?”

The current data on women and auto immune statistics is that we have 78-80% of the caseload. I start this reflection piece by saying that in 1992, I was diagnosed with Lupus after a large blood clot in my leg, pulmonary emboli, and elevated ANAs in my blood, which started this learning opportunity for me in my body at age 17. Since then, "getting rid of it," healing myself and others has been a lifelong flow and a worthy use of my conscious development and growth ever since. I actually wouldn't change it. I am a completely different being as a direct result, and the magic of my professional development is a direct result of my path.

Deep dives into science, spiritual and energetic practice, and "alternative" bodywork is where I ended up. Regarding the personal programming part of my pursuit of health, understanding, and upgrading of my "Self," in 2005-2010, I spent a lot of time with the affirmation that "I promote Self-love." (autoimmunity) My other frequent statement was "Am I running from a bear right now?" (nervous system)

Tracking one of the classic tales of autoimmune disease in the medical model arena was that "for some reason, the body is attacking itself." On an emotional level, this remark was undoubtedly true, and it was not a waste of time to spend a significant amount of time and energy meditating on thoughts of self-negation and self-hatred, which I believe were part of my journey to regaining my health. I was and have been able to correct my bloodwork, and after a stint of severe Rheumatoid Arthritis in 2003, avoid the usual medication used in traditional "Western Medicine."

Essentially, these affirmations were set as an intention to address my habits of self-attack, motivated by trying all to upgrade my health and avoid any more RA flare-ups in my hands and feet or Lupus with kidney issues and prior blood clot and the sun exposure, since an early age, acting like my kryptonite.

I did this intentional personal work and "energy work." At the same time, I also corrected my diet, detoxed my liver, upregulated my parasympathetic nervous system, studied the work of Stephen Porges, focused on creating safety and pleasure to correct my nervous system, addressed chronic metal and immune load, had my amalgams removed, started actually breathing, addressed methylation deficiencies, and learned and received powerful and comprehensive manual therapy from my mentor Sharon Weiselfish-Giamatteo and others, you know who you are.

I am in no way saying that healthy conflict expression and resolution is or was "the answer"; or why so many women have autoimmune conditions, it is and was part of MY breakdown cascade. As I gained more bandwidth and regained my health, my capacity to tolerate and buffer myself during challenging personal and global energies was just that: tolerated, buffered by meditation, exercise, etc.

Over the last four years, the compacting driving circumstances of COVID-19, lockdowns, working at a major hospital in Boston at the time, and being surrounded, both then and clearly now, by the news and polarization of the US and the world, which seems to be getting louder. Maybe it was my body approaching menopause. I don't know, but I started yelling more. Not just alone in my car either.

I remember my teacher, Sharon, discussing anger management in class, where we were working on mobilizing the liver and releasing the colon. She had a statement that I did not agree with at the time, at least for myself. She called it "getting Italian with it," meaning yelling and expressing anger. Now, sure, I did this with exercise, boxing, and yelling in my car, showing some anger in a personal development circle of humans in my "energy class," but in the house, with my partners? Never, and I didn't want this in my life either. From 2020 to the present, some things have changed. Something powerful broke open in me, and with it came further understanding and some more curiosities.

As a girl born in the 70s, my family of origin's anger was not something that was allowed, not for girls at least. I did what many do, I took the anger and distorted it into depression and wore it like a pouty Molly Ringwald character... I found this truth decades ago and worked to integrate my organ-somatic feedback loops with deep dives with my inner child and visceral release.

I believe and have the self-evidence, and the research has been more prevalent in the last decade, showing what many of us "healers, bodyworkers, somatic practitioners" have known for ages, that emotions and spinal cord, neurotransmitter, and soul-level expressions trapped in the body make us very sick.

Likely deep, primitive biological reasons exist for women to be more inclined to automatically run the program of "peacemaking" for our survival and the survival of our children. Men are physically bigger than we are; they make up the majority of violent killings, Sociopaths in Politics and hierarchical religion, Wall Street Ponzi schemes, Sexual predators, and the Narcissists of the world. It makes total developmental sense that we "chose" to avoid conflict and run the peace keeping programming instead. We want our kids to be safe more than we advocate for our own highest truth. It wasn't/ isn't worth the risk.

This phenomenon is observed over and over again in nature. We have all seen the documentaries following the mama bear, the mama wolf, and the mama lioness, who are just trying to feed their cubs. Near starving, she finds food, and what happens? The male threatens her kids and the mother while feeding himself first and then expecting her to mate with him. Me first, or else. She has to keep the peace, or else.

Maintaining wellness in this global setting is a challenge! For me, there has been something liberating about being perimenopausal, having less estrogen, and whatever else happens along with that has made me feel way less hyper responsible, and my history of feeling everything so loudly in my heart/ pelvis.

Does estrogen, on a cellular level, encourage us to be peacemakers, and unfortunately, often at the expense of our life potential?

Was it threshold learning? Is it in part my circumstances over the last 5 years, Is it hormonal? Is it our collective at work? Probably all of the above. I welcome being more "off the hook," but I feel for my younger lionesses and my daughters.

For sure, there are "family of origin" programs running strong, epigenetic circumstances that encourage us to tap dance around confrontation.

One hundred percent, there is societal programming, which was so well done in the famous rant from the Barbie movie, that makes our internal programs set for "self-digestion," and immune/ healthy confrontation confusion.

So, back to the immune system...

How the immune system SHOULD work for ideal health... A pathogen enters our internal landscape. An appropriate frequency and volume of response should rise to the occasion and fully metabolize this pathogen immediately. This response shouldn't attack the wrong thing; it shouldn't turn the other cheek or ignore or suppress it. It shouldn't be using the wrong tool or responding too much to the stimulus, such as with allergy mast cell histamine, and it shouldn't do nothing, pretending there is no elephant in the room. Too much response to the wrong thing. Too little reaction to the actual insult. Ring any bells, ladies?

In healthy communication, we should also avoid these things when trying to avoid confrontation. It is an energy, a homeostasis, a balancing of any math equation that we did ad nauseam in school.

In her book Radical Candor, Kim Scott outlines four communication styles.

As I listened to this book, I listened from my immune response history. The author categorizes the various ways people address conflict.

1. Radical Candor I am calling this style a "healthy immune system response," Caring personally while challenging directly, offering honest and empathetic feedback to foster growth.

2. Runious Empathy- caring but failing to challenge directly, often due to a fear of upsetting someone, which hinders their development.

3. Obnoxious Aggression. Challenging directly without caring personally, resulting in feedback that is harsh, disrespectful, and can damage relationships

4. Manipulative Insincerity. Neither caring personally nor challenging directly, often characterized by false praise or passive-aggressive communication for personal gain.

I highly recommend this book. For personal relationships, immune/ nervous and endocrine relationships, and if you are a manager, that is the angle she is approaching the content as an expert.

The volume and best-case scenario of our immune system can directly translate into what is going on with our physiological breakdown, as well as our emotional, spiritual, and energetic connection and congruence.

I don't claim to have all the answers, but I hope that this has helped you or provided something to consider on your own journey. I hope you have the safety to express yourself, grow, and be healthy in all realms, and that you find and enjoy the parts of the Sacred Feminine that bring joy to your life's work and magic.

To the men out there doing their work, keep going! Some of this wasn’t your fault! This world where you sit in traffic and cubicles instead of vision questing, building homes, taking care of animals, farming being in nature with groups of other men in the tribe has really messed you up. It’s as against your biological nature as is birthing a baby and going back to work 40 hours a week 3 months later is for us women. The understanding and templates for healthy being are changing. Censored biblical texts from Mary Magdalene and others are coming to light. Keep going!

Find your people. Work through your karma.. Enjoy the magical truth teller that is your body.

If you haven't seen the Barbie movie or missed the rant, or need to hear it again, here it is.

Radical Candor here.

xxoo

J

Part two..

Noble gasses in relationships Bruce Lipton The Honeymoon Effect and

This book!!

Mary Magdalene Revealed: The First Apostle, Her Feminist Gospel & the Christianity We Haven't Tried Yet

Book by Meggan Watterson